Nov 08 2009
Being Mentored: Getting the Most Out of that Cup of Coffee
Recently, a former student asked me to mentor her as she began her career as a public librarian.
Although I’ve mentored several students and colleagues over the years, I never felt like I particularly knew what I was doing. So when my young friend suggested we start out our mentoring relationship by establishing some practices that would best enable us to both stay on track, I jumped at the chance to collaboratively think through some sort of process for us to follow.
True to LIS form, we checked out a couple of books on mentoring, read several articles, and then checked with some friends and colleagues for their advice. We found that although many organizations have formal mentoring programs (which you should take advantage of if available!), many more mentoring relationships are of the “grab-a-cup-of-coffee” type – informal, focused on individual career goals rather than organizational “talent development,” and often reconnecting as needed over a period of years.
There wasn’t a lot written about how to approach this sort of casual relationship. So, basically, we made up our own “best practices” list. And here’s what we came up with:
If you’re being mentored,
Establish your goals. Think through what you’d like to accomplish with your mentor, being as specific as possible. Do you want coaching on your communication style? Guidance on job-seeking? Advice about what career path might be best for you? Be clear about the reason for your request for mentoring, so your mentor will have an idea of how to help.
Come prepared. Every time you meet with your mentor, you should come prepared with a written list of questions or issues to discuss. Otherwise, it’s too easy to end up “wandering around” in conversation with no real focus to the discussion.
Come up with good questions. They can be as simple as “what do you think about (this course of action, this management idea, this professional development strategy)…,” or more specific questions such as “Do you think my personality would fit with a public library career?”
Leave with a to-do list. You are looking for guidance that will, most likely, often involve you undertaking some specific actions. This may be doing research, reading a recommended book, having conversations with colleagues or bosses, or engaging in some sort of self-assessment, among other actions. Your job is to make sure you’ve got your list of to-do items so you can follow through with the learning process.
Be accountable. That to-do list? Make sure you follow through on your commitments. Your mentor is giving up his or her time to help you; it’s up to you to be the one, however, who is doing the heavy lifting in helping you reach your goals.
Be open to ideas, and solutions-focused. If you ask a mentor for advice or coaching, and then counter each recommendation with reasons why you can’t do that, or don’t think an idea would work, or don’t want to do anything outside your comfort zone, your mentor is going to get pretty discouraged pretty quickly. You’ve come to a mentor because you want something in your life to change; to paraphrase Gandhi, you need to be open to doing the work to be the change.
Identify what you need, and how your mentor can help. Are you looking for advice? Brainstorming with someone who can help you think creatively? Or would you like to tap into your mentor’s network of connections? The more specific you can be about what you need from your mentor, the more likely he or she can respond to those needs.
If you’re the mentor,
Create a safe harbor. Let your mentee know that there are no dumb questions, making mistakes is a necessary part of growth and learning, and basically you’re on his or her side. It can be uncomfortable to ask for help; your goal is to be reassuring, supportive, and interested.
Come up with good questions. Sometimes when we’re facing major life choices, it can be tough to even figure out what questions to ask. You can help your mentee by coming up with some clarifying questions that help identify decision points, previous experiences that may be applicable, hidden assumptions, and more.
Acknowledge your own limits. There’s nothing quite as nice for the ego as someone thinking you know your stuff well enough to ask you for advice. But one of the things we need to identify is what we do know about – and what we don’t. I’ve never worked in a public library, so had to make it clear to my young friend that while I do know about LIS careers and career development, I’m not an expert in public library career paths or organizational dynamics.
Get over your ego. An adjunct to knowing your limits is keeping the focus of your mentoring relationship not on how smart you are, but rather on how you can most effectively support the learning and growth of your mentee. As noted, being asked to be a mentor can be a huge ego boost, but it’s important to remember that the relationship is about supporting your mentee’s experience and opportunities, not showcasing your own.
Keep it light. Laughter eases awkwardness and embarrassment in a million ways. It contributes to that “safe harbor” that makes it okay to ask any questions without feeling stupid. It erases the unspoken one up/one down line that can unfortunately sometimes come to define relationships of unequal status. Laughing together builds trust and diffuses tension.
Think of yourself as a coach, rather than a teacher. Coaches help people find their way to their best game. They build on strengths through encouragement, support, and the occasional whop upside the head. They hold their players accountable, but also make it clear they have confidence that those players can live up to their potential.
Being a mentor, or having a mentor, can be incredibly rewarding. As long as both of you agree on your roles and expectations, you’re bound to have a mutually beneficial experience – and with any luck, a great time as well.